For her decision to allow her husband to have mistress and for what he gained from it writes the blogger Alex Alexander.
“Not long ago my husband, Jason, got involved with one of my friends, Sarah. The two have always been a great match and got along well from the first moment they met. In fact, they got along much better than I did with my girlfriend.
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“What developed between them was never an ‘illegal relationship’ as I knew everything from the beginning and encouraged this friendship from time to time.
» The attraction these two had between each other was obvious from the first moment they were introduced and from the moment we had set rules and everyone followed them I preferred to say “yes” to this polygamous relationship. I thought it was better for him to try something crazy now that he wanted to and with my knowledge, than later and in secret (with the result that when I found out I would be hurt and he would live in regret).
» I’ll be honest with you: Most of the time it was a disaster. And the rest waiting for a disaster. Why; The rule for allowing your husband to have a mistress is one: It cannot be done – IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. And yet, there were unique moments in which I saw Jason in a completely different way. I realized how lucky I was to have the position of wife and not mistress.
Now that time has passed and Sarah has moved on with her life as someone else’s wife, I am able to look back and understand the lessons that those emotionally charged six months of my husband’s extramarital affair taught me. In fact, I’m grateful that she came into our lives and turned it around, as Jason and I were able to make a fresh start and fix the mistakes in our marriage,” she says at the beginning of her text, and then lists the top five things that learned:
I had become so absorbed in the role of wife that I forgot how to be a mistress
“One morning the two of them were joking around in the kitchen making breakfast. As I watched them I realized that somewhere in the 20 years of our relationship with Jason I had forgotten how to be his lover. The roles of mother, wife, cook, cleaner, assistant had “sucked” me in and I had forgotten the excitement I felt every time I saw him enter the room. Seventeen years of marriage and I still got butterflies in my stomach when I heard him open the door to the house. For some reason, though, I wasn’t showing it to him. Instead of continuing this trope, I followed Sarah’s lead and started treating him more like I did before the wedding. It was fun falling in love with him all over again.”
Sex doesn’t fill you up if it’s with someone you don’t love
“After the first time my husband and his mistress slept together, all I could think about was how much younger she is, how much more fun they have together, how much more beautiful her body was, and how never in my life has my husband he wouldn’t sleep with me. As it turned out, the opposite happened. Both Jason and I have always valued intercourse as part of our relationship, and over the past few years it’s become a much nicer experience for us since we’re comfortable talking about it. We know what each of us likes and how to please each other. Sex with Sarah might have hid the allure of the stranger, but it wasn’t intimate, and ultimately it wasn’t as good as it was with me.”
Trying new things isn’t all bad
“Sarah loved trying new things, especially things that didn’t excite me. She loved special movies, live music and spicy food and was always willing to push Jason out of his comfort zone. She even took him with her to dance lessons. When he was with her he relaxed and that helped him relax when he was with me. She was also willing to try new things in bed as well. The ones that I was unfamiliar with and Jason saw in porn movies and wanted so badly to try. I wasn’t consumed by the guilt that I was depriving my husband and he was trying everything he wanted.”
Marriage can be a beautiful experience
“My husband’s mistress was beautiful. She was the type of girl that boys wrote songs to and girls at school talked about all the time. Her choices in men were endless, but she chose my husband. Not only did this boost my husband’s confidence, but it also “broke” Sarah’s cycle, who mostly dated men who didn’t appreciate her. The safety and comfort she felt with my husband gave her confidence and faith in relationships. He witnessed our marriage every day and understood that this condition can also be beautiful, that long-term relationships do not necessarily mean routine and fights.”
New things help you appreciate what you have
“Having my husband’s mistress at home all the time was not the easiest thing. Too often I felt neglected, even when my husband swore he had never been so in love with me since their affair. She was the new, the unknown and his assurance and security. His house. He himself told me that being with me was what he wanted. He felt like he belonged here and he couldn’t even think about losing me. As it happens with our favorite food. Just because we’ll try something else one day doesn’t mean we’ll stop craving what we like best. Trying something new makes you understand and appreciate what you have more. This happened to my husband as well.”