Danai Soziou’s cancer diary is everything…

Danai Soziou’s cancer diary is everything…
Danai Soziou’s cancer diary is everything…

The poet Danae Siosiou she has breast cancer and in recent months she has been following the course of the necessary treatments. In a recent post on her blog, she gave her readers a post with the general title “These are not poems”, briefly describing her life since the end of January, but also offering us the most shocking and deeply moving – with the most essential meaning- we have been reading lately.

Calendar

*

Life is no more

the quiet river of time

but a bloodbath

I push my roots deeper

and I ask them to sing

the song of the earth

*

When they cut off one of my breasts

I washed the wound with mint

when they cut my second one

I washed the wound with basil

without a breast I ask for water

they give me vinegar

*

I can’t raise my arms

i can’t get up

i can’t lie down

to drink water to eat

to go to the toilet

to wash to talk

I can’t get dressed

i’m full of holes

*

Dad, the series is broken

we descend into the abyss together

Dad I hear a clarinet

i see ghosts

I’m putting you on oxygen

you give me the medicine

*

They don’t want me to think about dead girls

They want me to think about the living

But I want to sing about my dead girlfriends

I want to know their names

*

Three surgeries in a month and a half

I didn’t know there were so many drugs

I’m afraid of chemotherapy

*

I surrender my body to science

I’m being hospitalized again

I have the drugs through an artery

Straight to the heart

I’m trying to get through the stages

But my body no longer belongs to me

And she yells at me about the pain

*

At Easter when the infection was over

Two weeks of fever along with chemotherapy

(Do you know what it’s like to have no immunity?)

Arrhythmias, the heart hurts

The next twenty-four hours passed

With a finger of whiskey and (two cigarettes)

(doctors said ok a little/

above I knew)

Because the one I was waiting for

He did not come

Because he told me that everyone will leave me

And since I didn’t die

I say that for today I don’t even have cancer

I smoke and drink

*

I’m not afraid of death anymore

I will find Helen’s snuff box

Which lasted thirty days

and she was my friend for three

*

My dad on the phone tells me

that when I was little I was not afraid of the dark

and I was one of the few children on the playground

that when they fell and hit

even by bike

they would get up and carry on

without running to their parents

I think that’s how he says sorry

and i love you

*

Now I’m looking out the window

the light

I remember playing with the sun rays

maybe i can do without my eyelashes

*

Little by little I see

who are in a circle around me

and they remind me of how much I am loved

and they talk to me about how much I have loved

*

Slowly

I count the moments

I return

I’m learning to live with fear

I’m learning to live with the pain

I’m learning to live

*

These are not poems

I say it honestly

*The painting in the photo is by Grigoria Vryttias


The article is in Greek

Tags: Danai Sozious cancer diary everything ..

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