Not for the feeling you get when you choose to make the same mistake again, but for another self-punishment of your soul.
Let’s talk about the inner judge who is merciless, cruel and will glare at you when you laugh for the first time in your heavy grief. When while your body is full of wounds that bleed from loss, a smile will form on your lips.
Let’s also talk about your big regrets, about that “I can’t, I’m tired” that you blurted out, while you had taken it upon yourself to take care of someone else. That you felt ashamed when you rested, dressed and washed while you were responsible for sitting in the chair next to the bed in a hospital.
Yes, I know, you feel that you are not allowed any smile, any rest, when the person you love is struggling with a life-threatening illness!
Let’s talk about that faint “I’m fine” you mouthed when asked “how are you?” after seven years of loss.
The guilt of “life goes on” that you had to “endure”!
Society has taught us that it is a mortal sin, in the midst of your deep sorrow, to allow even a little smile to enter through a crack! How the one who offers has no individual needs! That it is not possible for even a moment to feel joy when everything is black in your life.
And yet, laughter is the only lifeline you can give to a grieving person, to a person who is tired of caring.
To be able to smile in your deepest darkness is the greatest victory of life itself.
It is your right to say “I can’t” and to take a breath, it is a sacred obligation to yourself!
Moving on with your life and making it better is what it’s all about after a major crash.
Don’t blame you… live… live as best you can!