Annie Pattichi, life coach, answers questions and solves problems of philenews readers through the Life Coach column.
TODAY YOU POSTED A STATUS THAT SAID LIFE IS SHORT DON’T WASTE IT! I FOUND THE COURAGE TO WRITE YOU MY SHARE… I FEEL TIRED BUT I KEEP ON LIVING… I HURT BUT I KEEP ON SMILING… I FEEL HURT BUT I DON’T SHOW IT… I LIVE BY THE WANTS OF OTHERS AND NOT MY WANTS… I WANT TO SHOUT BUT I STAY SILENT … I PUT ON THE CLOWN MASK AND KEEP LIVING… FINALLY TIRED… OF BEING MISSING FROM MY LIFE………………………………
AND I ASK, MY ANNE, HOW DO I PROCEED FROM HERE AND BEYOND MY LIFE WITH AN OUTFIT THAT I KNOW DOESN’T FIT ME.
WHY YOU HELPED ME TO UNDERSTAND SOME THINGS
DZ – Nicosia
Thank you for such an honest statement and question. Your phrase “I’m tired of being absent from my life” says it all. You bring out the hopelessness you feel and your inability to move forward with your life.
You are not alone in experiencing this. It’s a pretty common theme and I see it every day with my clients. What I want to assure you is that there is a way to turn all of your feelings around. It’s enough to say “Enough! I don’t want to live another day like I am now!” And of course ask for help from experts who will help you see your life in a very different way.
The “uniform” you say you wear, that doesn’t fit you, is the choices you make every day. Einstein told us a wise word:
“If you like the results of your choices, keep making them! If you don’t like them then it would be stupid to keep making the same choice expecting a different result!”
He also told us:
“The serious problems we face cannot be solved if we stay at the same level of thinking we had when we created them.”
So it’s good to learn a different way of thinking to be able to “solve” the problems or rather the choices you make every day since you don’t like the results.
From young children we learn to see life in a negative way, first through the eyes of our parents and then through the eyes of society as a whole.
At first, like children, this does not deter us, but slowly and with the repetition of this negativity around us, it begins to wear us down. So we start operating in this way too and then we pass it on to our children too!
Each of us expresses this negativity in our own unique and special way. You express it in the way you described above!
The point is to learn from the beginning to live our life in a different way and to deal with events, circumstances and people in a positive way. That’s why I argue that all parents “must” attend life lessons to change the way their children are raised and thus slowly create a healthier society!
It is never too late to learn new ways of living and with this new learning, we help change the whole!
We start with self-love (you can read my article on this topic HERE)
Then you start setting priorities in your life. If YOU are not in your priorities, then it would be good to revise them. The lack of value and respect for ourselves brings us the results you describe above. Also, the insecurities you may have and the need for acceptance from others determine the choices you make. An expert can help you identify all of these and leave them behind. I want to reiterate that the way you operate is because that’s how you learned, not because you’re problematic or at fault. You are a bright being, you just have to recognize it and bring it to the surface.
There are always solutions and hope to improve your life.
Life coaching teaches you exactly how to live your life with self-esteem, confidence and love. Step by step one learns new ways of managing life and daily challenges.
We can all change, as long as we want to and take steady steps every day towards change!
“Be the change you want to see in the world” – Mahatma Gandhi
Send your questions to
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MA Clinical Psychology